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- This farmer has about 500
hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks badly, so, he goes
down the road to the next farm and asks if they have a
rooster that
they would sell. The other farmer says, "Yes, I've got
this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service
every chicken you've got, no problem." Trouble is, Kenny the rooster costs £3,000, a lot of
money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys
Kenny. The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the
barnyard, but first he gave the rooster a pep talk. "I
want you to pace yourself you've got a lot of
chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So,
take your time and have some fun," the farmer said,
with a chuckle.
Kenny seems to understand, so the farmer points toward the
hen house and Kenny takes off like a
shot. WHAM! Kenny nails every hen in the hen house - three
or four times, and the farmer is really
shocked. After that, the farmer hears a commotion in the
duck
pen and, sure enough, Kenny is in there. Later, the farmer
sees Kenny after a flock of geese down by the lake.
Once again - WHAM! - All the geese get it.
By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and
pheasants.
The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive
rooster won't even last the night. Sure
enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next morning
to find Kenny on his back out in the middle of the yard,
mouth open, tongue hanging out and both
feet sticking straight up in the air with Buzzards circling
overhead.
The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colourful and
expensive bird, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Kenny, I
told you to pace
yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what
you've done to yourself."
Kenny slowly opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards
circling in the sky Above and says, "Shut it, you're
scaring the fanny away."
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- Two cows standing next to
each other in a field, Daisy said to Dolly "I was
artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, straight up, no bull!"
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- Bar... Monkey
A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a
drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around
the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and
eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats
them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the
billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's
amazement, somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what
your
monkey did?"
The guy says, "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table --
whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprize me," replied the guy.
"He eats
everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for
everything."
The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the
stuff
the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey
is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts
running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his
drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He
grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.
The
bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey
did
now?" he asks.
"No, what?" replied the guy. "Well, he stuck
a maraschino
cherry up his ass, pulled it out and ate it!" said the
bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy.
He still
eats everything in sight but, ever since he swallowed that
cue ball, he measures everything first."
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- A man goes into a pet shop
to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three
identical-looking parrots on a perch and says, "The
parrot on the left costs $500." "Why does the
parrot cost so much?" asks the customer. The owner says
"Well, the parrot knows how to do legal research."
The customer then asks about the next parrot, to be told
that this one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the
other parrot can do plus it knows how to write a brief that
will win any case. Naturally, the increasingly startled
customer asks about the third parrot, to be told that it
costs $4,000. Needless to say, this begs the question,
"What can it do?" To which the owner replies,
"To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but
the other two call him Senior Partner."
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