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- At 85 years, Morris marries
a lovely 25-year-old woman. Because her new
husband is so old, the woman decides that on their wedding
night, they
should have separate bedrooms. She is concerned that the old
fellow could
overexert himself.
After the wedding festivities, she prepares herself for bed
and for the
knock on the door she is expecting. Sure enough, the knock
comes and there
is her 85-year-old groom ready for action. They unite in
conjugal union and
all goes well, whereupon he takes his leave of her and she
prepares to go to
sleep for the night.
After a few minutes, there's a knock on the door and there
old Morris is
again, ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, she
consents to further
coupling, which is again successful. The octogenarian once
again bids her a
fond good night and leaves.
She is certainly ready for slumber at this point, and, after
a few more
minutes, is close to sleep. But for the third time, there is
a knock at the
door and there he is again -- fresh as a 25-year-old and
ready for more.
Again they ravish one another. As they're basking in the
afterglow, the
young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed
that at your age you
have enough juice to go at it three times. I've been with
guys less than
half your age who were only good for one time. You're a
great lover,
Morris."
Morris, looking quite confused, turns to her and asks,
"You mean I was here
already?"
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- * A Job for Momma
Maria just got married, and being a traditional Italian, she
was
still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her
mother's
house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her.
"Don't worry,
Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care
of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his
shirt and
exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother
and says,
"Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Maria",
says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests.
Go upstairs. He'll
take good care of you." So, up she went again. When she
got up in the
bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs.
Again Maria
ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took
off his pants,
and he's got hairy legs!" "Don't worry. All good
men have hairy legs.
Tony's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of
you." So,
up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his
socks,
and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria
saw this,
she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and
a half!" "Stay
here and stir the pasta", says the mother. "This is a job for
Mama!"
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- GO SLOW FOR THE CHICKS
A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time
went by, the
traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The
traffic was so heavy
and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate
of three
to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's
office and said,
"You've got to do something about all of these people
driving so fast
and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those
drivers!"
So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a
sign that
said:
SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said,
"You've got
to do something about these drivers. The 'school
crossing' sign seems
to make them go faster."
So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they
put up a
new sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and
called and
called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked the
sheriff, "Your
signs are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my
own
sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own
sign." He was
going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to
have him
stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no more calls from
the farmer.
Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided
to call
him. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put
up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed
since then. I've
got to go. I'm very busy." And he hung up the phone.
The sheriff thought to himself, "I'd better go to that
farmer's house
and look at that sign... There might be something there that
WE could
use to slow down drivers."
So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw
the sign.
It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large
yellow letters
were the words:
SLOW: NUDIST COLONY
GO SLOW FOR THE CHICKS
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- A man met a beautiful girl
and she agreed spending the night with
him for Rs 5000.
So, they spent the night together. In the morning, before he
left, he
told the girl that he did not have any cash with him, but
that he
would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her,
calling
the payment "Rent for Apartment."
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done,
realizing
that the whole event was not worth the price. So, he sent a
check
for Rs 2500 and enclosed a note:
"Dear Madam: Enclosed find a check in the amount of Rs
2500 for
rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed
upon
because when I rented the apartment, I was under the
impression
that:
1. It had never been occupied;
2. there was plenty of heat;
3. It was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously
occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was
entirely too
large."
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately sent back the
following reply:
"Dear Sir: First of all, I cannot understand how you
expect such a
beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As
for the
heat, there is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding
the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if
you don't
have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the
landlord."
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