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- One sunny day in 2005 an
old man approached the White House from across
Pennsylvania Ave, where he'd been sitting on a park bench.
He spoke to the US Marine standing guard and said, "I
would like to go
in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr.
Bush is no longer
president and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay" and walked away.
The following day, the same
man approached the White House and said to the same Marine,
"I would
like to go in and meet with President Bush The Marine again
told the
man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no
longer president and no
longer resides here. The man thanked him and, again,
just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and
spoke to the
very same US Marine, saying "I would like to go in and
meet with
President Bush."&! The Marine, understandably
agitated at this point,
looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day
in a row you
have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've
told you already that
Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer
resides here. Don't
you understand?"
The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I
understand. I just
love hearing it."
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said,
"See you tomorrow, Sir."
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- A British doctor says:
"The medicine in my country is so advanced
that we can remove the brain of a man, put it in another man
and make him
get a job in six weeks."
A German doctor says: "That's nothing. We can remove
the brain of a
person, put it in another one and prepare him for war in
four weeks."
The American doctor, not to be surpassed, says:
"Friends, both of
you are outdated. Recently we identified a man without a
brain from Texas
and placed him in the White House. Now we have half the
country looking
for a job and the other half preparing for war!"
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Only in America...
A Charlotte, NC man having purchased a box of very rare,
very expensive cigars, insured them against fire among
other things.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of
cigars and without having made even his first premium
payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the
insurance company.
In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in
series of small fires".
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious
reason; that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal
fashion.
The man sued......and won! In delivering the ruling, the
judge agreed that the claim was frivolous.
He stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the
company in which it had warranted that the cigars were
insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against
fire, without defining what is considered to be,
"unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay
the claim.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process,
the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man
$15,000.00 for the rare cigars he had lost in the
"fires".
HERE COMES THE BEST PART!!
After the man cashed the check, the insurance company had
him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!With his own insurance claim
and testimony from the previous case being used against
him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his
insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a
$24,000.00 fine.
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- A South African is enjoying
a hearty breakfast -
coffee, croissants, toast, butter & jam, etc. when
an American, chewing gum, sits next to him and
starts an unwanted conversation:
American: "You South Africans eat the whole
bread?"
South African: "Of course."
American (blowing bubble with his gum): "We don't. In
the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we
collect in a container, recycle, rebake them into
croissants and sell them to South Africa."
American: "D'ya eat jam with the bread?"
South African: "Of course."
American (chuckling and crackling his gum between his
teeth): "We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit
for breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and left overs
into containers, recycle them into jam and sell it to
South Africa."
South African: "Do you have sex in America?"
American: "Of course we do."
South African: "And what do you do with the
condoms?"
American: "Throw them away of course."
South African: "We don't. We put them in a
container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing
gum and sell it to America."
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- After being nearly snowbound
for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man
departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to
meet his wife
the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to
Minneapolis.
They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice
time together.
Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix up at the boarding
gate, and
the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight.
He tried to
appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not
responsible for the
problem and it would do no good to complain.
Upon arrival at the hotel the next day, he discovered that
Miami Beach
was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as
uncomfortably hot as
Seattle's was cold. The desk clerk gave him a message that
his wife
would arrive as planned. He could hardly wait to get to the
pool area to cool
off, and quickly sent his wife an e-mail, but due to his
haste, he made
an error in the e-mail address.
His message therefore arrived at the home of an elderly
preacher's wife
whose even older husband had died only the day before. When
the
grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at the
monitor, let out an
anguished scream, and fell to the floor dead. Her family
rushed to her
room where they saw this message on the screen:
Dearest wife,
Departed yesterday as you know.
Just now got checked in.
Some confusion at the gate.
Appeal was denied.
Received confirmation of your arrival tomorrow.
Your loving husband.
P.S. Things are not as we thought. You're going to be
surprised at how
hot
it is down here.
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